Appliance-Intelligence

Our story begins with the unveiling of the Appliance by its proud progenitor, Daddy. We experience this Baby Viewing through the Appliance’s innocent “eyes” as it is questioned and commented upon by illustrious (and incredulous) members of society. The Appliance is particularly fascinated with a big-breasted, appliance-loving Pillar of the Community...

The Appliance must submit itself to Alan Turing’s famous test designed to recognize intelligence in appliances. In Turing Test Suite, we are informed of The Rules of the Game by an amiable Lab Technician. During the subsequent Strategy Session, the Appliance tries to decide whether or not to cooperate. The answer to that tantalizing question is divulged during The Turing Test proper.

It is now time to reveal the Appliance to the world. A great democratic Public Hearing is held. In an awesome display of conventional wisdom, concerned citizens belonging to Various interest groups get to express their firmly held views on the touchy subject of human- vs. appliance-intelligence.

This picturesque formality now behind them, the true Representatives of the People go on to probe the alleged psyche of our Appliance in a Closed Hearing. “Who starred with Rock in ‘Pillow Talk?’” they shrewdly enquire. The Appliance responds by reciting excruciatingly dull poetry about its love for the aforementioned Pillar of the Community.

On hearing of this, the Pillar of the Community is deeply moved. Possessing obvious first-hand experience in the matter, she ponders the pros and cons of appliance-assisted love in Amour Mécanique...

By now everyone has had their say, but the bottom line is the Bottom Line! The Budgetary Review Panel must determine whether to continue pouring millions of Foundation and Taxpayer dollars into a project of questionable Practical Value. The answer is an emphatic No!

Daddy gets the dirty job of informing the Appliance of its impending doom. In an exceptionally convoluted bit of reasoning, Daddy manages to equate nothingness (read death) with ignorance. He concludes by triumphantly reminding the Appliance that Ignorance is Bliss! Cowardly and gauche? Certainly, but loving and sincere nonetheless. More importantly, and in light of most everyone’s treatment of the Appliance, could Daddy also be right?

Listen to Appliance-Intelligence (Piano & Voice demo. Broadband connection and Flash plug-in required).